Exercises in Self Compassion

Something you can do at the end of the day, for fun. For tenderness. For good.

Dec 01, 2025

It’s 10:30pm, and usually this is when I pretend to go to bed. But after brushing my teeth and getting into my jammies, I don’t turn out the lights and close my eyes. I bring my phone to bed, and I do Wordle and Connections and Strands and the mini crossword. Whatever. Then I scroll instagram reels, look at the endless vegan recipes I will never make, laugh with dogs, cats, and babies, hit YouTube clips of my favorite actors and their best unforgettable scenes, giggle at Josh Johnson, at Colbert, and it goes on and on until my eyes dry out, and my muscles hurt from holding my body in that position for so many so long while scrolling.

It feels awful to end the day like that. Almost bleak. And I do that every night.

But now, I’ve found something different that really shifts the air around me toward compassion. I brush my teeth, get in my jammies, get in bed, and turn out the light. Then, as a game, I narrate my events as if I’m telling my best friend about this wonderful person I got to spend the whole day with.

She said she was up from 2 to 5am with a migraine, so she slept in. Then, she got up at nine, and did this thing that she does every morning now. Tapping. She does tapping. Then she spent some quality time snuggling with her wife and their dog. They had breakfast—but it wasn’t just your standard breakfast. I mean, her wife had the ordinary stuff, but she! She made savory lentil spicy pancakes. There was ginger and jalapeño and cilantro in them. It was intense. The first ones were not good. But by the fifth one, she’d mastered it. Later, she used the not-so-great ones as bread for a turkey sandwich.

Describing what I did during the day in third person, I don’t know—it opened my heart a little. I cut myself so much more slack, in the best way. Even when I got discouraged or depressed during the day—there was something about describing it in third person that made me feel like I was rooting for me, that I felt tender toward me.

There are a million studies showing that when we develop self-compassion, we’re much more able to be compassionate toward others. It would be so cool if everyone in the world could feel as sweet toward themselves as I did toward my poor little self last night.

Try it. After turning out the lights, after getting comfortable. . .close your eyes, and narrate the events of your day. Imagine you’re talking with your best friend about this person you spent the day with. Describe what they did, and maybe what they don’t know about how cool they are. See what happens.

It’s a cool experiment.
Let me know how it goes.